Maybe I shouldn’t be blurting out whatever’s in my head for all the world to read. Hell, I don’t know if anyone will even be reading this. But for what it’s worth here it is—the uncensored thoughts, my thoughts on life, love and trying to be a novelist somewhere in between.
It’s hard. It’s brutal. Sometimes even frightening to the point ending it all seems the perfect solution. The only solution. But then I stop. I take a breath, I look around at all I have to lose, then slug on.
One day at a time.
I’ve always believed if I fill my life with the things I’m passionate about, I’d be happy. And for the most part it’s been true.
Right now I’m working on my first novel and so far it’s been a difficult birth. Long nights, weekends I labor, I agonize over these characters whose journey is as much mine as it is theirs. Yes, it’s been a long birth. Six years if we’re counting!
I know…
A bloody lifetime. And on one, fucking book no less! When I started this little project I had no clue, none, zip, what I was getting myself into. But now I do.
And in case you’re asking yourself: why then do it? Well…because I love it! Love it all, every second, every moment. And I couldn’t imagine myself doing anything else at this wonderful stage of my life. Besides, what’s a few years here and there if the damn thing turns into something great? Something that people would actually pay good money for and signify to my children that their mother wasn’t a total screw-up after all.
The way I figure it, time is just a ticking of the clock. A reminder when we look in the mirror that it stops for no one. Not even me.
So on that note, here’s my thought for the day:
When our hopes and dreams fall by the wayside we can’t mourn what isn’t. Not forever. That’s wallowing of the worst kind. The solitary thing keeping us crippled and unable to pick ourselves back up. So go find that window. Open it. Take in that breath of fresh air and remember: I can do anything!
4 Comments -Leave a Comment
I whole heartedly agree yet its like swimming for me, once I almost drown have that fear but keep attempting to over come it! Writing is like that for me anxiety tme!
I hear ya! Just keep on paddling.
Thank you fro deciding to keep going! I often feel like no one even cares about or reads my writing, and then I step back and think: am I doing it for others or myself? And the answer is definitely for my own sanity. Because if I don’t write, I would surely go insane. Thanks for the inspiration!
-Laine:)
Please don’t go insane! (smile). You know…they say “the core of writing is the expression of one’s inner being,” and “if it were easy then everyone would be doing it.” Well, they’re not doing it but you are! Now that says something. More than something.